Location; South End Green, Hampstead. London NW3
A traditional turn-of-the-century public loo built near a bus (tram as was) terminus and located near a quirky-traditional wooden black cab taxi drivers' shelter. Located 200 yds from South End Green overground (North London Line) coming 'round from Richmond.
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South End Green is your archetypal leafy yet bustling Hampstead neighbourhood, languishing in a rich cultural and media tradition. Being situated near the the borders with Kentish Town however, the place receives a fair shot in the arm of gritty street reality. I once saw Chris Evans crossing the nearby zebra onto the Heath. Dressed down like a tramp he was.
Anyways I thought it's about time we featured one of these fabtastic Victorian-engineered toilets to give the example of how it should be done today. South End Green public convenience was obviously built on a nerve centre of passing traffic and trade, which continues to this day.
We descend the steep steps underground, increasingly aware of the solid, well crafted built-to-last quality of the tiling to each side, similar if not identical to that used to line the marvellous Hampstead underground station, not a mile up the hill.
My bogblog heart sinks at the sight of a cleaner's yellow warning cone at the bottom of the stairs. I quickly conceal the digicam from view and proceed into the bog.
The first thought that strikes an over-fertile imagination is what a great cover this would make against the first wave of a nuclear attack on central London. The blast wave would kill and level just about everything above ground, but I'd be safe enough down here at my pee I sense, looking around. Trouble is, the searing heat and radiation would not long afterwards enter through the open ends and I would probably die a horrible lingering death, or venture outside and collapse.
Mind you, what are the chances I'd be taking my constitutional down here when a hydrogen bomb goes off a couple of miles away? The imagination is truly a thing of wonder.
But I digress. Whatever happened to that Victorian energy, optimism and sheer dedication to pride in ones work? Look at what they achieved amongst many other things - the building of the world's first capital city underground transport system, a thousand mile network of grand, cathedral-volumous sewers to protect the population from rampant disease. . .and. . ..South End Green toilet.
So here we are, a mini underground work of art, undiminished and unbowed against over a hundred years of countless daily discharges, many of them probably quite shocking to behold. The rock solid tiling covers floor, walls, ceiling and arches alike. The 16-man capacity split urinals are rendered in the most exquisite scultured white porcelain form and topped with respendent, magnificent marble. Bravo Victorian planners, architects, engineers and navies - they were real men in those days! . . Respect!
Moving right along, I immediately psychologically-connect (eye contact) with the cleaner. She ( ! ) is busying herself mopping around inside the cute washbasin area, but is all the while eyeing me up in a distinctly non-sexual manner.. The digicam is still concealed and she gets a wry smile.
Drat!
So I walk straight into a harlequin-tiled cubicle ( one of fifteen ) to think. How to complete my mission here and not invoke the suspicion of the toilet maid?
Totally over-the-top like, I exit the beautifully fashioned interior, camera swinging confidently abouts my person. Dallas Cowboys Baseball cap donned, I smile up to the cleaner as only a Yank tourist can. . ." Well howdy " came the fake drawl. ."you know, I was kinda wonderin' .. .would you mind if I kinda took some, ya know, pictures in here? I mean to say,, it's the darndest cutest little underground outhouse I ever did see! It's growing on me like topsy and I just must snap somethin' for the folks back home!"
" Oh of course sir" she squeeked " be my guest"
And the rest is bogblog history. A piece of cake!
Snapping away to my heart's content, I present the fruits of a hard afternoons bogblogging for your esteemed perusal, ladies and gents.
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All this bog hubris did for me however. I was leaning against one of the pillars at the south end of the bunker, taking one last shot along it's interior length. I squinted through the viewfinder, framed the pic . press ..the digicam focus delay of one second was almost done through when BUMP! . . .click. . .nice pic of the floor there.
Some young chav bounding down the steps had caught my left shoulder. He seemed surprised, turned and then frowned as he at once saw the camera.
A distinct "What the f..k are you doing in here with that?" kind of frown.
I shrugged and bounded up the splendid steps and out into the blessed fresh air/traffic fume mix.
And across to Hampstead Tea Rooms for a Camomille tea from a bone china cup. Oh how disgustingly English!
I squintingly review my bogblog picture haul inbetween sips.
" Nice pictures sir?" smiled the sweet Polish waitress. . ."the Heath?" she quizzed.
"Something like that" I muttered with a quick look and a forced smirk.
She never ever ever would have understood, would she, the poor dear.
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Toilet 17 -South End Green
Cleanliness 9/10
Quietness of use/sit 3/10 ( the London average I expect)
Bog ambience a fabtastic 9/10
Aesthetics 9/10.
Overall verdict; An all-round bunker-buster of a bog!
MSM
PS. It looks inevitable, the way the country is going, that Toilet 17 will get the same capitalist makeover as The Temple bottled lager bar (formerly The Temple Of Convenience, formerly an old underground toilet in Manchester centre).
Thanks to stuck4bobbins for the link.
I take it the place is a little cramped to have a loo? What ultimate irony that would be, a bar without a toilet - in an ex-toilet.
Devilish_Jelly_Beanz
I bet ya cant get public loo's like them anymore, huh